I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
