whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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