well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
