if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
