the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
