In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
