At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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