I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
