she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
