Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
time to smoke my breakfast
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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