At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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