Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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