Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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