hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
