i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
