someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
