Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
