...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
