Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
