FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
