is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
