im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
