How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
