i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
