I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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