Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
