About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
