SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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