Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
