I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
