So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
