Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Im part way to drunk.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
