He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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