omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize