Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
