Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
