We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Please, let me fuck your mom
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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