I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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