Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize