PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
