Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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