no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
