Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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