We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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