um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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