I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
