and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
