Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
