I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
