it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
