I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
there is glitter all over my balls
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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